So, I finally watched Don’t Worry Darling much after the initial hype and controversy of the film had already died down. I’m glad for that, too, because I totally forgot about scandal of the Harry Styles x Olivia Wilde affair during production and the weird events that took place during the movie press tour like #spitgate (when Styles allegedly spit on Chris Pine?). A few months out, my general understanding of the movie was that it was decent, perhaps even bad. People were underwhelmed by the performances and the story, averaging 3/5 stars on Letterboxd. But to be honest, I had no idea what the actual movie was about and had evaded all spoilers (probably because I don’t have a Twitter account), so I decided to give it a go, and…
I liked it!
I’ll admit, I thought the film was a bit silly during the first act, perhaps even cliché. The whole thing felt like an extended Twilight Zone reboot, and I kept expecting a zoomed-out drone shot showing the audience that the world had undergone a nuclear blast and that their little compound was the last place on Earth – a classic retro futuristic sci-fi trope. However, I was pleasantly surprised with the twist of the film, and I can appreciate the message the writers were going for.
Don’t Worry Darling is about a group of couples who live in a utopian simulation named the “Victory Project.” As the audience, we are unware that it is a simulation until the motives of the main male protagonist, Jack (Harry Styles), are revealed. Until then, we are expected to believe that these characters are living in a real, albeit strange, community that exists in the real world during the 1950s. Jack’s wife Alice (Florence Pugh) discovers the truth behind the Victory Project: that all of the men living there have trapped their female partners within this universe, and must return to the “real world” of the twenty-first century in order to sustain their bodies.
I won’t go too much into the details of the film and what I liked/didn’t like. I agree with a lot of reviewers that the film was a bit slow paced and didn’t really pick up until the end, leaving the audience wanting more. From trailers alone I figured that this would be a typical mystery/thriller, but because the twist was meant to be revealed and less so figured out by the audience, I felt as though a lot of the exposition was useless and drawn out. I think I would have enjoyed the film better if the audience knew what the men were up to the whole time while watching the women adjust to their new lives in the compound.
Regardless, I liked the film, and although most people are cynical about how meaningful the message of the film was, I thought it was important nonetheless. Jack is representative of a sect of real men that exist in the world, who would perhaps partake in the Victory Project if given a chance. He feels emasculated by his breadwinning girlfriend and wants control back in his relationship. He is an active member of the “manosphere,” a real online space where disgruntled men come together to discuss the perils of feminism and how it has destroyed their lives. There are real men in this world, especially American men, who truly believe that the 1950s were the utopian paradise portrayed in the Victory Project, where men proudly went off to work while their wives stayed at home lovingly keeping house and preparing a warm meal, anticipating their husbands return to greet them with passionate sex on the dinner table.
Although the film may have missed the mark in many aspects when it comes to depicting the true dangers of rising misogyny and the modern-day counter revolution against feminism – the “tradwife” movement – it does a decent job depicting the dark realities of being a stay at home wife during the supposed golden age of America.
The American housewife is a mythological creature that has been iconized in our popular culture. It has spent the past 6 decades convincing itself, and the rest of the world, to be true, through cultural brainwashing and whitewashing. The reality is that only a small percentage of Americans ever truly got to live the so-called “American Dream,” a promise that rang true usually only to white, upper-middle class women who could afford to live in the suburbs off of their husband’s income.
The idea that the second wave feminist movement was the driving force to get women into the workforce, and that prior to that pivotal moment most women existed as stay at homes mothers and wives, is largely misunderstood and accepted as truth. For starters, poor women, women of color, and immigrant women almost always maintained jobs outside of the home, and almost all women, regardless of race or class, work tirelessly in the home. This is a phenomenon known as the “second shift,” where women take on the brunt of domestic, emotional, and sexual labor of the house.
The key issue with the mythos of the 1950s housewife, though, is that she is suspended in time. What becomes of the housewife amidst the turmoil of the revolutionary 1960s? Sure, there exist “traditional” housewives in the twenty-first century, but their ideals have done a complete 180. In the days of Leave it to Beaver, it was a societal norm, a goal, to be a housewife. Today, it is viewed as reactionary to desire to be a housewife, at least it is the case in many online feminist communities.
Now, I won’t give the White evangelical Christians of the Midwest the martyrdom they so desperately crave. I mean, lots of progressive women would love to be stay-at-home moms, too. I certainly wouldn’t mind it. But, as mentioned, if it was unlikely for the average woman to be a bonafide housewife during one of our country’s most prosperous economies, that is most certainly the case now. It would be extremely difficult for a household with several children to subsist (note the term subsist, and not prosper, thrive) off of a single income.
The issue with self-proclaimed trad-wives today, however, is not that their lifestyles are extremely unattainable for most, but that their lifestyles are entwined with several conservative, harmful understandings of sex and gender. They don’t just want to be a stay-at-home moms, which is fine in itself, they want to embody 1950s ideologies of womanhood, including complete submissiveness to one’s husband. That’s the problem.
Girl, Interrupted (which is based on a true story) does a good job accounting for the harsh realities for women who didn’t adhere to this understanding of womanhood. You could get locked up for not liking dick, or for liking dick too much. Literally. Our society still struggles to understand the complexities of mental health issues, although we’ve made much progress. Depression, anxiety, even certain mood and personality disorders are slowly becoming more accepted. Not only did women have a hell of a lot more problems to add to their mental health issues back in the 50s and 60s, but they had nearly no resources, unless you wanted to spend the rest of your life on speed in the form of miracle diet pills.
To wrap things up, the current day manosphere is an extremely pervasive ideology that I believe poses genuine threats to our society, most especially women. We’ve seen incel mass-shooters and certain former MMA stars who spew hateful advice about sex and women getting accused of sex trafficking. Point is, this shit is real. And even if you thought Don’t Worry Darling was corny af, I’d bet a lot of money that there’s some dude out there who would absolutely love to live in the “Victory Project,” and that should scare you.